The Awesome Desk of Awesomeness

     Since the point of a blog (as near as I can figure, anyway) is to blather on endlessly to anonymous strangers about things only interesting to one's own self, I figured I would write about my latest endeavor, namely the completion of the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness.

     First, a little back story: As I mentioned in my last post, I like to fancy myself as something of a wood carving wolf, so I suppose that it's no surprise that I have an attraction to wooden furniture, the richer the better. (When I say "richer" I am referring to the depth of the color & the beauty of the wood grain, not the price tag! I am not exactly a wealthy wolf, you know!) Anyway in keeping with my "wood attraction" most of the furnishings in my private den (also known as a bedroom) are made of wood, including the desk that plays host to my Trusty Computer. Well, okay technically my current PC is really Trusty Computer III, but as I only ever have one PC at a time I don't mention any previous PCs to my current one out of respect for their feelings. Anyway, as the same desk has played host to all 3 PCs to date I think this is a minor point & was - quite frankly - not even worth mentioning.

Urm....

     Well, anyway the desk I was using was quite functional & had been with me since sometime around my late Elementary/early Middle School days.

It was sturdy.
It was pretty.
It was reliable.

But it wasn't exactly on the "big" side. (Turns out that I am quite a bit bigger than I was back in grade school. Go figure.)

     So for the last few years I have been on the lookout for what I perceived to be the perfect replacement desk. It had to be wood, but was best unfinished so I could do my own staining, which I love. It had to be affordable (as I mentioned before I am not a particularly rich wolf) & most importantly it had to be the right size. This was was where things got really sticky, as the desk in question not only had to accommodate me & my 6' frame + a PC, it also had to fit in one very specific spot as my "den" is packed to the gills. Then of course there was the printer/scanner/copier, the scanner (yes, I have a stand alone scanner too- stop judging me!) the Wacom tablet, the snazzy new stereo my mother had given me (which was currently relegated to a spot on the floor) the battery-backup surge protector, the game controller (both of which actually sit on a shelf above the desk but I wanted to mention them anyway) the computer speakers & my bizarre assortment of pens/highlighters/markers that I liked to keep close by. Oh yes, then there's my 3 computer mice (one I normally use, one the goes with the Wacom tablet & one that my uncle gave me that sits on my monitor & changes color- I said stop judging me!)

     In short, the new desk had a hell of a "must have" list, which was why I had pretty much resigned myself to making do with what I had...until I happened to be in the parking lot of a local "strip mall" (more like a haphazard collection of owner-run shops) this last December & noticed that the local furniture store had it's usual display of clearance stuff sitting out front...

...including, the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness.

     It was sitting on the left-most end of the row of furniture that had been placed outside in the freezing temperature it hopes of attracting interested customers. (The only businesses that have decent "people traffic" in this shopping center are the grocery store, the gas station, the feline veterinary clinic & the pizza joint. The other shop owners really have to struggle to get people to to come to their stores. Quite frankly, I am surprised they last as long as many of them do.) Now granted, I was virtually on the other side of the parking lot at the time, but even from that distance I could tell that the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness was different from any of the desks I had seen during my years of desk searching. I could tell it was big & I could see that it was unfinished (which is surprisingly hard to find these days, at least locally) but the thing that really grabbed my attention was that the pull-out drawer where the keyboard was to go seemed much longer than usual...long enough, in fact to accommodate a mouse pad & a Wacom tablet.

     I was so attracted to the desk that after our workout (which is why we where at the "mall" in the first place) I talked mom into walking over to look at the desk up close. The desk was even more perfect than I could have imagined, both in size & space (it had separate compartments for both a CPU & a printer!) but when I looked at the price tag, my heart fell when I saw the $295 asking price. Granted, the original price was over almost $600 (and it had been reduced once before to the high $300s)  but still it seemed like a lot of money to spend, even for such an amazing desk, so I sadly trudged away. However seeing the desk mad me think that there had to be something else (cheaper) out there somewhere, so mom & I began to poke around on the internet & see what we could find.

     What we found was that it seems that it is ridiculously hard to find desks of any real size that don't require you to sell your organs to afford them. That $295 asking price was beginning to look like a pretty good one, but I'm a rather stubborn wolf & had convinced myself that I "couldn't" have the desk (how was I ever going to get the thing home?) so we kept searching. After a little more digging, mom found what looked like a decent contender listed for sale at - of all places - Ikea. I say "of all places" because despite the fact that I live relatively close to one of the few Ikea stores in the country, I had yet to set foot in the place. In fact, most of my Ikea knowledge (aside from what I see in their virtually continuous add campaigns) has been gathered via the Ikea SP (Stuff Pack) for my beloved Sims 2 game.

In short, my Sims have had more experience with Ikea stuff than I have.

     Deciding that I should really go see what all the fuss is about (& still in denial about the desk I was destined to have) the family & I decided to go to Ikea & see the place for ourselves. So what did we think? Urm...let's just say that our Ikea experience was more than worthy of it's own post & since this post is getting long as it is, I will skip the gory details for now except to say that A) the desk I had gone to see was out of stock & B) if you are in anyway claustrophobic you should never ever ever set foot in an Ikea store, period. (Holy shit, how in the bloody hell is that place so goddamn popular??? Is everyone else on this stupid planet fucking insane???)

     It was about this time that I was beginning to realize what I had known on some level the very first time I saw the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness: it was destined to be mine, no matter what it did to my bank account. (That's the problem with awesomeness: it doesn't often come cheap.) So after a few more days of me trying to talk myself out of it, I finally went ahead & bought the damn thing with my Xmas money. (The details of the purchase - or more precisely - the experience with the shop's owner are also worthy of their very own post, but for now I will just say this: There's a reason so many of the small businesses in my area are constantly struggling....)

     So to make a long story short (too late!) I have been spending the last 3 weeks sanding, staining & finishing the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness to it's properly amazing self. There were a couple touch-n-go moments (like when I got it home & realized just how big the thing really was) but in the end things worked out fine. The old desk was removed & the Awesome desk is now in place & getting used to it's new duties as a computer desk/stuff holder.

     I thought I would end this ludicrously long post with some pictures of the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness at various stages of the finishing process. (A big thanks to my dad who took the pictures!)

     Okay, picture one is the Awesome Desk of Awesomeness in it's unfinished/naked state:

Keep in mind that this thing is (in inches) 62 long x 23 wide x 34 tall whereas the old desk was 33 long x 14 wide x 28 tall...so it is a lot bigger than what I used to have!

     Picture two is the Awesome Desk with several coats of stain on it:

Ignore the stupid Shop-Vac. I was doing this project in the rec-room/basement area in front of my bedroom & there's a fair bit of clutter there. I like this shot as it shows the various pull-out drawers the desk has. That's a mahogany stain, if anyone cares.

Lastly we have picture three, taken mere minutes before dad & I wheeled the Awesome Desk into place:

Oooohhhhh. So shiny! That's 5 coats of a satin finish topped of with 2 coats of spray gloss. What can I say, I like shiny objects! (Of course it took me only minutes to scratch that finish when I was wrestling the damn CPU into it's drawer. @#$%!!!!!)

Okay, that's enough pointless blathering for now, so I think I'll sign off...until I decide to write about Ikea or my desk buying adventure details....* shudder *.....

Always Keep Your Tools Sharp

     One of the rules that everyone who carves wood knows if that you should always keep your tools sharp. I know this because when I am not playing around in my Sims universe I am often found playing at being a woodcarver. (My passions are walking sticks & carousel figures though I am currently taking classes centered on N.W. Coast Native American style carving as that seems to be the only style most the instructors around here teach.)

     So anyway, one of the first things one learns when one is a new carver is that you should always - but always - keep your tools sharp. This is second only to the Carver's Cardinal Rule, "Don't bleed on the wood!" (This is very important as blood is an absolute bitch to remove from wood & it always likes to splatter on the parts you hadn't planned on painting.) The reason for keeping one's tools razor sharp is that sharp tools cut better & better cuts mean cleaner cuts, on wood & on flesh. This speeds up the finishing or healing time, depending on the material cut.

     The next thing one learns when one is a wood carver is that most carving injuries actually don't happen when you are carving, but rather when you are doing something else. For instance, one of the most common sources of injury is when it's time to clean the shavings off your workspace & rather than go over & get the whisk broom (which is usually all of 10 feet away from you) you decide to use your hand to sweep the shavings onto the floor & manage to impale yourself on a splinter. Another frequent source of ouch-ness is when you accidentally knock a chisel off your table & decide that trying to catch it makes more sense than just letting it hit the floor. (Hint for the stupid: floors don't bleed!) In short, most carving injuries happen when the carver is either lazy or not thinking straight...

...which is exactly what happened to me last night at carving class. (Technically, "Carving Class #2" as it was Tuesday & I also take classes - with a different instructor - on Thursdays. So why is Tuesday #2 & Thursday #1? Because I started my Thurday classes a good two years before my Tuesday ones.)

     I had decided to put away one of the two rolls of tools I had out on my bench when I noticed that roll #3 (which was still inside my "tool tote") was laying at a diagonal angle instead of nice & straight like normal. As this meant that I wouldn't be able to put may other tool rolls away (as roll #3 was effectively taking up 2 spaces) I decided that I needed to rectify the situation.

Here's where the smart part of my brain gave up control to the other 90%.

     The smart thing to do would have been to remove roll #3 & re-insert it into my tool roll cubbyhole so that it was no longer at an angle, thereby making it possible to place all 3 rolls in the cubbyhole. Of course this would mean that I would have to go through all the trouble of removing roll #3, after which I would then have to put back (which was at least as non-time consuming as it would have been to remove it) so I decided to just straighten the offending tool roll where it was & eliminate the whole take-it-out-and-put-it-back thing. Of course this meant that I would need to slide my hand into the cubbyhole (into which I can't see, by the way) & shove the back end of the roll into place...but hey, it was still way faster than taking the whole roll out & putting it back by a good 5 seconds at least!

     So I stick my hand inside the compartment & try pushing the roll back where it belongs.

No dice. The tool roll won't budge & I think I hear it snicker.

      No problem, I'll just give it a  harder push...

Again, no dice. The roll stands firm & the snicker becomes a cackle.

     Screw you, tool roll! I'll show you! Take that!

***************************************

Did you know...

...that it is entirely possible for chisels to loose their protective caps?

...that duct tape makes a really good top-layer for a bandage & 5 layers of gauze?

...that it has taken me almost 2 hours to write everything above the asterisk marks?

Oh, & sharp tools not only cut cleaner than dull ones, they also cut a lot deeper...

My First Real Post: Go Me!

Well since I finally managed to start a blog (despite my various limitations) I guess the proper thing to do is start blogging, eh? Of course now I need to come up with something to say beyond "Is this thing on", which is proving to be harder than I expected!

So, where to begin? How about the beginning...or at least, someplace close to it.

Hmmm. Okay, well as stated in my profile, I'm something of a strange wolf with a serious addiction to a computer game you have likely heard of called Sims 2. Yes, I said "2" not "3" & no, that's not a mistake or another case of my usual dyslexia. I am very much aware (painfully aware, in fact) that Sims 3 is the most recent offering in the Sims game series & no, that is not the game I am interested in. If I had meant 3 I would have said 3 now, wouldn't I? I didn't mean 3, I meant 2 & that's that.

If you detect a bit of hostility on my part toward Sims 3 then congratulations: your brain cells are, in fact connect properly! As far as I am currently concerned, Sims 3 (aka "Rod Humble's watered down & imagination devoid piece of crap")  is such a travesty & a blasphemy of everything Wil Wright (the original creator of the series) ever envisioned that if it suddenly exploded, caught on fire, tripped & fell into a giant, smelly void to oblivion I would dance around my room singing "Ding dong, Sims 3 is dead! I hope Rod Humble's seeing red! With luck it smashed his @#$% head! Now I must get back to bed!" as I cackled with unparalleled glee. (For some reason I always envision this occurring in the middle of the night, either because that's the most likely time for crappy computer games to spontaneously combust, fall into smelly holes to oblivion & hit their money-hungry creators on the noggin or because I needed another word that rhymed with "dead", I'm not sure which.)

In other words, I would be a very happy She-Wolf!

Speaking of wolves (how's that for a quick change of subjects) you may have noticed my wolfish avatar & been wondering who she is & where I found her. Well her name is Lady Zirconia. She's a high priestess & a sorceress. She's a fierce protector of the innocent & a vengeful hunter of the wicked. She's an unequaled ally or a relentless enemy. She could be your dream come true or your worst nightmare. She is my personal alter ego & her stunningly amazing picture was a commissioned piece done by Christy Grandjean (aka "Goldie") the owner of the Goldenwolfen art site. While my avatar is only a closeup of her head, you can see a picture of the entire piece here:

In truth, even the full-body JPG doesn't do her proper justice (for instance those grey tribal markings have an icy blue aurora iridescence on the actual drawing) but she's still gorgeous! I chose the closeup for my avatar as it shows her stunning "I could kiss you or tear your throat out" expression, which I simply adore!

I should also take this moment to note that - as beautiful an avatar that she makes - she is NOT for use by anyone except me. She is mine, not yours. I paid for her, you didn't. She was personally created for me, not you. If you love anthropomorphs & admire Christy's work as much as I do, then either go to her site & pay her for your own commissioned piece (3 figures for one like Lady Zirconia) or use one of the non-commissioned pictures there for your avatar, character icon, desktop wallpaper, website graphic or whatever. (Christy is fine with that, so long as you follow her rules about adding her name/copyright to the picture & don't claim it as your own.)

In other words, don't steal her for your own use! If you do you are not only committing art theft (which is a punishable offense btw, no matter what you may have been told elsewhere) you will also earn the full wrath of not only me but Lady Zirconia herself. For you see, in addition to being a sorceress & such, Lady Zirconia is also the all powerful goddess of my Sims 2 universe & is more than capable of dealing with a 12 year old who thinks rules don't apply to them. (All trolls, art thieves, spammers, flamers & other such a-holes are assumed to be 12 by Lady Zirconia as she knows that intelligent beings don't do such things & therefore are not 12 years old.)

So before you do something stupid you might want to ask yourself if it's worth angering a wolf-goddess with such unparalleled powers of vengeance at her disposal. After all, if she can do what she does to some of the less desirable Sims in my game, a mere 12 will an attitude problem be vaporized without even blinking her sultry eyes.

If you don't believe me, then you can ask Goopy GilsCarbo what she did to him...assuming you can get him to stop screaming long enough to tell you.

And with that Sims 2 reference, I have finally managed to bring this post full circle & will sign off for now.

Is This Thing On?

This is just a test to see if I am able to figure out this whole "blogging" thing...

...which apparently I am! Not that I will have anything interesting to say, but it's not like being interesting is a blogging requirement (thank goodness!) so I should eventually fit right in.

Now to see if I can figure out what all the different templates & layouts do...